What happens in the mediation sessions?

How a session runs

A session is usually two to three hours, in person or by video. The mediator opens by confirming the ground rules from the agreement to mediate, sets the agenda for the day and then works issue by issue. You will each be asked to explain what you need and why; the mediator will reframe, test options and keep the discussion on the issue rather than on the history.

Nothing is final during a session. The mediator keeps notes and, at the end, summarises what was agreed in principle and what is still open. Between sessions you take those notes to your lawyer. Expect homework: a document to find, a schedule to try, a calculator to run.

Joint sessions, shuttle mediation and caucuses

Most mediation is joint, with both of you and the mediator in the same room. Where screening showed tension or fear, or one of you simply negotiates better apart, the mediator may use shuttle mediation, moving between two rooms or two video calls so you never speak directly. Some mediators also use caucuses, short private meetings with one spouse during a joint session, to explore an option that would be hard to raise across the table.

Ask at intake which formats the mediator offers, and say if you want to change format part way through. Screening continues throughout the process for a reason: what felt safe in week one may not in week four.

Closed mediation and what stays confidential

Unless you both chose open mediation, your mediation is closed. That means the mediator will report only whether you reached agreement, and what is said or shown in the sessions cannot be used in court. Section 3(6) of the Family Law Act states the rule for a court-appointed mediator: with a limited report, no evidence of anything said or any admission made in mediation is admissible without the consent of all parties.

The protection covers offers, concessions and proposals. It does not turn disclosure into a secret; financial documents exist independently and can be demanded in court. And there are limited exceptions, such as a concern that a child is in need of protection, which every mediator must report.

Parenting first, or money first?

Most mediators take parenting first when there are children. Parenting time and decision-making responsibility affect child support, and a settled schedule lowers the temperature for the money conversation. The Divorce Act and the Children's Law Reform Act both judge any arrangement on the child's best interests, and a mediator will keep bringing the discussion back to the children's needs, schooling and routines rather than to what each parent deserves.

Then support and property: the Child Support Guidelines table amount on each income, section 7 special expenses, whether spousal support applies, equalization for married spouses, and what happens to the home. The disclosure you exchanged in preparation is what makes this session productive.

Using the calculators between sessions

Numbers settle arguments that words cannot. Between sessions, run the child support, spousal support, equalization and shared parenting calculators on the disclosed figures and bring the results. They are not advice and they are not the law, but they show what a range looks like, and a proposal inside the range is far easier to accept than one that seems plucked from the air.

Take the printouts to your lawyer as well. A lawyer can tell you where the calculators simplify, for example on imputed income, section 7 expenses or excluded property, and whether a deal that departs from the default is one you should sign.

When to pause

Mediation is voluntary from beginning to end. Either of you can ask for a break, and the mediator can end the process if it has become unsafe or unproductive. Reasons to pause: a document that changes the picture, a health or work crisis, new information about a spouse's finances, or a sense that you are agreeing to something to make the sessions stop.

Pausing to get advice is always legitimate. Agreeing to a term you do not understand is exactly what section 56(4) of the Family Law Act is written to undo later, at far greater cost. A good mediator would rather you take a week than sign something you will contest.