How do we prepare for mediation?

Full financial disclosure comes first

Nothing useful can be negotiated until both of you are looking at the same numbers. Ontario law backs that up: section 56(4) of the Family Law Act lets a court set aside a domestic contract if a party failed to disclose significant assets, debts or other liabilities that existed when it was made, and that rule applies despite anything the contract says. An agreement mediated on incomplete disclosure is an agreement with a crack in it.

The practical standard is the court's own. Rule 13 of the Family Law Rules requires a sworn financial statement, Form 13 for support claims and Form 13.1 where property is involved, whenever a case involves support or property. Most mediators ask for the same forms or an equivalent, so use them; if the file ever goes to court, the work is already done.

The intake meeting and the agreement to mediate

Before any joint session the mediator meets each of you alone. This is intake and screening: the mediator learns the issues, checks for family violence and power imbalance, and explains how the process will run. Be candid. What you say in intake shapes whether joint sessions are safe and how they are structured.

Then you sign an agreement to mediate. It records that the mediation is closed or open, what the mediator may report, that the mediator gives no legal advice, whether lawyers may attend, the fee and how it is split, and what ends the process. Read it with your lawyer. It is a contract, and it governs everything said in the room.

Know your legal position before you negotiate

A mediator will not tell you what the law would give you; that is the one thing they are not allowed to do. Without that knowledge you are negotiating blind. A consultation with your own lawyer before the first session covers the questions that drive the deal: how equalization would likely come out, what the Child Support Guidelines table amount is on each income, whether spousal support is in play and roughly for how long, and what a court would probably do about the home.

You are not bound by any of it. Mediation lets you agree to something different from the legal default, and many couples do. But you should know what you are giving up or gaining, and your lawyer will need to confirm at the end that you understood.

Set goals, not positions

A position is 'I keep the house'. A goal is 'the children stay in their school and I am not carrying debt I cannot manage'. Mediators work with goals because there are usually several ways to meet one, and a position leaves only yes or no. Before the first session, write down what matters most to you about the children, money and the next two years, and what you think matters most to your spouse.

Bring the practical facts too: work schedules, the school calendar, the mortgage renewal date, who is on which benefits plan. The sessions move faster when the small facts are already known, and the small facts are where most parenting schedules are actually built.

Getting the children's needs on the table

Under both the Divorce Act and the Children's Law Reform Act, any parenting arrangement is judged on the child's best interests, with primary consideration to the child's physical, emotional and psychological safety, security and well-being. Mediators apply the same lens. Prepare by thinking about each child's needs, routines, health, schooling and relationships, not about what is fair between the adults.

Some mediators offer child-inclusive mediation, where a trained specialist meets the children and brings their views into the process without asking them to choose. If you want that, raise it at intake. And decide early whether you will tell the children mediation is happening; a shared script from both parents is usually kinder than two versions.