Is mediation the right way for us to separate?

What a mediator does, and does not do

A family mediator is a neutral third person who helps the two of you negotiate parenting, support and property. The mediator runs the meetings, keeps the conversation on the issues and helps you find terms you can both live with. A mediator does not take sides, does not decide anything and does not give legal advice, even when the mediator is a lawyer.

At the end you get a memorandum of understanding, not a binding contract. That memorandum becomes a separation agreement only when it is drafted, signed and witnessed under the Family Law Act, normally after each of you has had independent legal advice. Mediation is the conversation; the agreement is the law.

What the law expects of you

Since March 2021 the Divorce Act has said, in section 7.3, that parties shall try to resolve their issues through a family dispute resolution process to the extent it is appropriate. The Act defines that process to include negotiation, mediation and collaborative law. Section 7.7 puts a matching duty on every lawyer to encourage it and to tell you about family justice services.

Ontario's own statutes point the same way. Section 3 of the Family Law Act and section 31 of the Children's Law Reform Act let a court appoint a mediator the parties have chosen. None of this makes mediation compulsory. The words are 'where appropriate', and the law is explicit that it is not appropriate everywhere.

When mediation is the wrong fit

Mediation assumes two people who can negotiate as equals. It is the wrong route when there is family violence, which the Divorce Act defines to include coercive and controlling behaviour and financial abuse, not just physical harm. It is the wrong route when one spouse controls the information, refuses disclosure or is moving money. And it cannot help when something is urgent: a child being withheld, a home about to be sold, support that has stopped.

Those situations need a court, which can order disclosure, restrain a spouse and make interim orders. If that is where you are, the Divorce Centre covers the court route. Mediation can still follow later, once the urgent issue is settled and the ground is level.

Free and subsidised mediation at court

Ontario funds family mediation through providers under contract with the Ministry of the Attorney General at every family court. On-site mediation is free on the day your matter is scheduled in court. Off-site mediation is available at any time, before or without a court case, for a fee charged on a sliding scale based on income and number of dependents; providers may reduce or waive it.

Court-connected mediators must meet minimum qualifications, including 60 hours of family mediation training and 21 hours of intimate partner violence training. The Family Law Information Centre at each courthouse can tell you how to reach the local provider. As of September 2026 these services remain in place; check the ontario.ca page for the current fee schedule.

Where lawyers fit in a mediated separation

Mediation does not replace a lawyer; it changes what the lawyer does. Instead of running a court case, we advise you before you start so you know what the law would likely give you, review the disclosure, answer questions between sessions, and at the end review the memorandum and draft or review the separation agreement. Your spouse's lawyer does the same on the other side.

Ontario's own guidance says you should get independent legal advice before and throughout mediation, and that both of you should get advice from different lawyers before signing. The cost of that advice is a fraction of a contested case, and it is what makes the final agreement hold.