Parenting Arrangements While Separated Under One Roof in Ontario

Many separated parents cannot move out right away. Money, housing and timing can keep both of you in the same home while you work out what comes next. Children notice the tension, and the adults often are not sure what rules to follow.

This article explains how to think about interim childcare arrangements under one roof, what to put in writing, and when to involve a mediator or the court. How the law treats your living arrangement depends on your situation, so it is worth confirming with a lawyer before you rely on it.

Why interim rules help

Without clear rules, daily routines can turn into daily arguments. An interim plan sets out who cares for the children and when, who decides what, and how you will communicate. It does not replace a final agreement or order, but it gives the children stability while you work toward one.

Ontario's government guidance uses the terms decision-making responsibility and parenting time for these ideas, and the Divorce Act has used them in place of custody and access since March 1, 2021. Parenting time is the time a child spends in the care of a person named in a parenting order, whether or not the child is physically with that person the whole time. That is a helpful reminder that care can be shared even in one house.

What to cover in an interim plan

Justice Canada's Parenting Plan Checklist raises many practical points you can adapt. It asks how communication will happen, whether by phone, e-mail, text, social media or video chat. It also asks whether holidays will alternate between households and who will care for the children during school breaks and statutory, civic and religious holidays.

• Who is responsible for the children at set times, such as mornings, after school, evenings and weekends.
• How you will handle school, medical and activity decisions, and who will be told what.
• How you will communicate about the children, in person or in writing.
• How you will cover holidays and school breaks.
• Shared spaces, house rules and quiet times, so the children are not caught in the middle.

The checklist says plans should be flexible enough to be realistic and allow for unforeseen events such as illness, which matters for shift workers and parents with irregular schedules. It also asks you to think about the children's ages and how the plan may change as they grow.

Putting it in writing and making it stick

An informal parenting plan can be difficult to enforce, so a plan can instead be included in a separation agreement or in a court order. If you reach agreement during a case, you can ask a judge to make an order on consent. If you agree at a case conference, the judge may have you sign Minutes of Settlement and may then make an order based on them.

If you are divorcing under the Divorce Act, the court must include in a parenting order or contact order any parenting plan the parties submit, unless the plan is not in the child's best interests, in which case it may modify the plan. Parents who were never married, or who are not divorcing, cannot get a Divorce Act order and need a parenting order under Ontario's Children's Law Reform Act. Parents can update an agreement by agreeing to the change, but a court order can only be changed by a new decision from the court.

Keep your arrangements child-focused. In a Divorce Act proceeding, parties must protect the child from conflict arising from the proceeding to the best of their ability. Short, calm written notes about who did what can also help show how care was shared, because the court looks at the history of care when it considers the child's best interests under the Divorce Act.

How today's routine can matter later

When a court makes a parenting order or contact order under the Divorce Act, it considers only the child's best interests and gives primary consideration to the child's physical, emotional and psychological safety, security and well-being. The factors include the child's need for stability, the history of care, and each parent's willingness to support the child's relationship with the other parent.

The Divorce Act sets no presumption of a particular schedule, though the court must give effect to the principle that a child should have as much time with each parent as is consistent with the child's best interests. How you each act now, including how well you communicate and cooperate, can be part of the picture. If there is family violence, it is also a listed factor.

If there are safety concerns, supervised parenting time can be arranged, and the supervisor may be a friend or relative both parents agree on, a paid professional, or trained staff at a Supervised Access Centre.

When to get help, and what to do next

Free family mediation is available at Ontario courthouses on the day you are in court, and off-site mediation is charged on a sliding scale based on income and number of dependents. In most cases a party must attend at least one case conference before bringing a motion for a temporary order. That requirement does not apply in cases of urgency, for example where you or your child's safety is at immediate risk, or hardship, though a judge may order costs against a party who brought an unnecessary motion before a conference.

• Write down a simple interim schedule and the rules for decisions and communication.
• Keep a calm, factual record of who cares for the children.
• Try mediation to turn the plan into a signed agreement.
• Talk to a lawyer before signing anything or filing a motion.
• If anyone's safety is at immediate risk, ask a lawyer about urgent options.

Frequently asked questions