What are my options if I'm not safe right now?

If you or your children are in immediate danger, that's a police matter first — call 911. Family law and criminal law run on separate tracks: the police and the criminal courts can act immediately, lay charges, and set release conditions, while a family court case about property, support or parenting can take longer to move through.

Ontario's 211 service can connect you to a nearby shelter, counselling or victim services, day or night, whether or not you've called the police. None of this requires you to have already started a family court case, and none of it commits you to a particular next step.

Ontario law defines family violence broadly: it doesn't have to be a criminal offence to count. Violent or threatening conduct, a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour, or conduct that makes someone fear for their own safety or a family member's can all qualify — including a child being exposed to it even if it wasn't directed at them.

When a court decides parenting arrangements, a child's safety comes first, ahead of every other factor. Family violence is one of the specific things the court must weigh: how serious and recent it was, whether it was aimed at the child or witnessed by them, the risk it creates, and whether the person responsible has taken any steps since to address it.

A family court can grant a restraining order against a spouse, former spouse, or someone you live with or lived with, if you have reasonable grounds to fear for your safety or a child's. It can stop contact and require staying a set distance from specific places — breaching it is a criminal matter the police can act on directly.

Separately, both spouses have an equal right to live in the matrimonial home regardless of title, and a court can order one spouse to leave, giving the other exclusive possession. Past violence toward a spouse or a child is one factor the court weighs in that decision. In a genuinely urgent situation, a lawyer can ask the court to act without notifying the other person first — the matter then comes back before a judge, both sides present, usually within two weeks.

Be specific and factual when you describe what's happened, to your lawyer and, later, in any document filed with the court: dates, what was said or done, whether anyone else witnessed it, and any police or medical involvement. A pattern matters as much as any single incident, so don't leave out things that felt “minor” on their own — coercive control is built from a series of smaller acts, not usually one dramatic one.

Whether a related criminal charge results in a conviction, an acquittal, or no charge at all, a family court can still weigh the same underlying facts on its own — the two processes use different rules and different questions.

Legal steps are only part of this. A shelter, a counsellor, or a victim services program can help with immediate safety planning, documentation, and the practical side of leaving — often faster than any court process moves. Ontario's 211 service is a starting point if you don't already know who to call locally.

Legal aid exists specifically for family violence survivors who might not otherwise be able to afford a lawyer at this stage — worth asking about early, since income limits and coverage can change.