Can a Child See a Counsellor if One Parent Objects in Ontario?

Your child is struggling after the separation, and a counsellor seems like a sensible step. But the other parent says no. Now you are wondering whether you need their permission, or whether the child can go anyway.

The answer depends on how decision-making is set up between you, on the child, and on the type of service. This article explains the general framework in Ontario and the practical steps to take. It is not legal advice for your situation.

Counselling usually falls under health decisions

Ontario explains that decision-making responsibility covers significant decisions such as health, education and religion, and can be sole or joint. Whether counselling counts as a health decision, and whether you need the other parent's agreement, depends on your order or agreement and the facts, so it is worth confirming with a lawyer.

Joint decision-making needs parents who can cooperate and communicate. If you share it and one parent objects, you may be at a standstill. Courts can also divide decision-making, giving it to one parent, to both, or in part. For example, one parent could hold health decisions while another area is shared.

Under the Divorce Act, a parent with parenting time has exclusive authority over day-to-day decisions during that time, unless the court orders otherwise. If the Children's Law Reform Act applies to you instead, how this works is worth confirming with a lawyer. Whether arranging counselling is a day-to-day or a significant decision can be debated, so look at your order's wording.

If you have no order or agreement

If the child lives with you full-time, you live separate and apart, and the other parent accepts that, you may have de facto decision-making. Legal decision-making exists only through a signed separation agreement or court order, and enforcing your rights is harder without something in writing. An informal parenting plan can be hard to enforce.

Parents have the right to parenting time unless a court decides otherwise. Neither parent can simply be assumed to hold final say. That is one reason a written agreement or order can prevent disputes like this one.

What about the child's own consent?

People often ask whether an older child can agree to counselling alone. How this applies depends on your situation, so it is worth confirming with a lawyer. Ask the provider what they require.

Even when a child is willing, a provider may want clarity about which parent has authority. Giving them a copy of the relevant part of your order or agreement can help.

Resolving the disagreement

If you cannot agree, either parent can apply for a parenting order. The judge must act in the child's best interests and consider family violence. Which law applies depends on whether a divorce has started: the Divorce Act applies if so, and otherwise the Children's Law Reform Act applies.

Under the Divorce Act, only the child's best interests count, and the court gives primary consideration to the child's physical, emotional and psychological safety, security and well-being. Family violence and its impact is a listed factor. A court can make interim orders and set conditions.

If you both agree on a plan, under the Divorce Act the court must include a parenting plan agreed by the parties in the order unless it is not in the child's best interests. Whether the same applies if you are under the Children's Law Reform Act is worth confirming with a lawyer. A plan could address how you will choose a counsellor, share information and handle costs.

• Propose a few named counsellors and ask the other parent to pick one.
• Offer to share information about the child's well-being and progress in an agreed way.
• Consider mediation or a lawyer-to-lawyer discussion before court.
• If agreement fails, ask a lawyer about an application for a parenting order.

What to do next

• Read your separation agreement, parenting plan or court order for health and decision-making terms.
• Keep a short record of why you think counselling would help, based on what you have seen, such as sleep, school or mood changes.
• Write to the other parent with a calm, specific proposal and keep a copy.
• Remember that someone with parenting time or decision-making responsibility can generally ask health and education providers for information about the child, unless a court orders otherwise.
• Avoid involving the child in the conflict or asking them to take sides.
• Speak with a family lawyer if the other parent keeps refusing, or if you suspect they are blocking help for a safety-related reason.

If you are dealing with family violence, say so early. The Divorce Act defines it to include physical, sexual, psychological and financial abuse and coercive and controlling behaviour, whether or not it is a crime. If you are leaving an abusive situation you can still apply for parenting of your children.

Frequently asked questions