At What Age Can a Child Choose Which Parent to Live With in Ontario?

If you have a strong-willed teenager who says they want to live with the other parent, or with you, it is natural to ask whether there is a magic birthday after which they get to decide.

This article explains what the law actually says, how a teen's views are weighed, and what you can do when an order and a teenager's wishes do not line up. It is general information, not advice about your specific situation.

There is no set age

The Divorce Act requires the court to consider the child's views and preferences, giving due weight to the child's age and maturity, unless they cannot be ascertained. The Act sets no age at which the child's choice decides the matter.

That means a child does not become the decision-maker at a particular age. A teen's views carry real weight, but they are one factor among others. If you are not seeking a divorce, a different Ontario statute may apply, so a lawyer can confirm how it treats the question in your case.

What the court weighs alongside the teen's wishes

The court considers only the best interests of the child and gives primary consideration to the child's physical, emotional and psychological safety, security and well-being. The listed factors include the child's needs and stability, relationships with each parent, each parent's willingness to support the child's relationship with the other, and history of care.

The court must also consider any family violence and its impact, as well as any civil or criminal proceeding, order, condition or measure relevant to the child's safety. A child should have as much time with each parent as is consistent with the child's best interests.

Justice Canada says children's views get more weight as they grow, that needs change with age, and that shared time tends to work better when children are older.

How a teen's views reach the court

The Office of the Children's Lawyer may assign a lawyer for the child, usually for older children and youth, or a clinician who reports to the court, generally for children under ten. These are service practices rather than legal age cut-offs. The OCL does not decide best interests; the court does.

A Voice of the Child report, prepared by a professional who has interviewed the child, records the child's views and preferences, and can be requested from the OCL or from private clinicians. Justice Canada advises against asking children to choose a parent and suggests asking about what matters to them instead.

If an order or agreement already exists

A teen's wishes do not automatically change an existing order. Failing to follow an order without good reason can bring a fine or jail. Before varying a parenting or contact order, the court must be satisfied that there has been a change in the circumstances of the child since the order was made.

If both parents agree to a change, the Ontario guide describes a consent motion to change. It uses Form 15C, signed and dated by both parties in front of witnesses, plus Form 14B, a draft Form 25 order, and the existing order or filed agreement. Each party must also file a commissioned Form 35.1 for changes to decision-making, parenting time or contact.

If a judge grants a consent motion, the signed order is sent by email or in the self-addressed envelopes. If not, the parties receive an endorsement explaining the reasons and any next steps.

What to do next

• Listen to your teen and ask what matters to them rather than asking them to choose a parent.
• Keep a short, factual record of what your teen has said and any changes in their circumstances.
• Do not stop following an existing order on your own, even if your teen wants a change.
• Consider mediation or a parenting plan update. A parenting plan can come out of any family dispute resolution process, and parents can ask the court to include their agreement in a consent order.
• Talk to a family lawyer about whether the change in circumstances is enough to vary the order. The Law Society Referral Service can provide a family lawyer for an initial consultation of up to 30 minutes.

Frequently asked questions