Should children be involved in or informed about the details of our separation agreement in Ontario?

Children should generally be informed about the arrangements that directly affect them — such as where they will live and when they will see each parent — but they should not be given the full contents of a separation agreement or drawn into adult financial decisions. The separation agreement is an adult document dealing with property, money, and legal rights; sharing those details with children is not appropriate and can create unnecessary anxiety or loyalty conflicts.

Under Ontario law, children's views and preferences may be considered in parenting decisions, particularly as children get older and can express informed opinions. However, this is different from involving children in negotiations. A child who is old enough to have a meaningful preference about parenting time can express that view to a social worker, family mediator, or the court through an Office of the Children's Lawyer assessment — not by being put in the middle of the parents' negotiation.

Both parents have an obligation to shield children from conflict. Separation agreements sometimes include a clause where both parties agree not to speak negatively about the other parent in the children's presence, and not to discuss the details of the legal proceedings with the children.

If children are struggling with the separation, child therapists and family counsellors can help them process the change in age-appropriate ways.